The Poison's Killer

God damn.

I swear, I fucking hate being depressed. I'm not even totally sure what the fuck I'm depressed about. Could have been the recent discussion with mother, could be the fact that the Hurricane has showed me how fucked up our government is, how stupid people are, how humans are destined to destroy themselves.

There was a point where I thought I was done with looking at a bottle of pills at 2:30am going "Ya know, I could eat enough of these to die comfortably and painlessly." Not that I plan on it, but I hate thinking like that. I HATE IT. It's not productive. I want it to stop. I don't even know why the hell I think like that.

"It's going to get better."
I fucking hate when people say that. Because they're making liars out of themselves. It never gets better. I always end up right back here with a lower tolerance for bullshit, less patience, a weaker drive and more of a tendency to get into physical confrontations.
A person can only take so much of this shit before snapping. Patience is not infinite. Everything wears thinner and thinner every time this happens.

And I'm sick and fucking tired of doing this every fucking year.

<<<< Thursday, Sept. 22, 2005 || 11:21 AM >>>>
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