The Poison's Killer

"You're able to literally make me hurt physically with all that negative energy you carry with you. I don't know how you do it."
-AJ's Mother

It amazes me...there have been times where I've been about 30 feet from their house, NO way she could possibly know I was coming, much less that close and almost always she'll pop outta the house, raise her hand up in a 'stop' motion and say "I need you to calm yourself down in there before coming in."
Funny thing is, I can fake being okay better than anyone. Better than most women, shit. How she can feel what I carry is beyond me. I can have a smile on my face, confident posture and a ring in my voice and still say "I need you to calm yourself down in there before coming in."
"...calm yourself down in there..."

Odd.

I just don't understand myself anymore. I've become this..."thing," for lack of a better word.
I can think of a few explanations for this, but this is no longer the place...and it doesn't seem like there will definitely never be a time. I just don't understand this.

"The Callow" seems to ring a bell. So does "Futile." I'm feeling the latter pretty hard today.

I really don't wanna go to the show tonight...I just wanna go home, smoke a fuckton of cigarettes, toke a couple and go to bed. Perhaps I can skip the other way I have been falling asleep lately.

Maybe I just need to get laid. Fuck. It's been like...holy shit...3 months as of October 13th. Maybe I don't. Maybe I just need a drink or ten.

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