This morning I found soooo many things I've written in the past. This has shown me where that old part of me went that was so crucial to my being...
...it was sleeping, allowing for new things to come into play. It's been waiting for the right time to wake up, to assume control over the infectious corruptions that have become a part of me and to destroy them, reinventing and re-shaping the voids left by the malignancies - I needed all these horrible things to happen, I needed all of the bullshit to affect me the way it did - so I could fit new, useful assimilations into the workings of my mind, my life, and my being. To forge a new drive. A new mind. A new way of perceiving things.
The true, pure version of Cyanide has arisen. Not to accept the "fact" that it is a destroyer not only to itself but everything around it, but to destroy that "fact" and replace it with the REAL truth: Cyanide exists to destroy that which afflicts him and everything around him. The most powerful poison negates all others, and therefore should not be affected.
After all this time, I finally see. I know what was wrong with me. I realize what must be done. I see the obstacles and they're not permanent, they're not insurmountable, simply because I put most of them there - it's just too bad I had to go through this to see that.
USD
It's time. RUN.
<<<< Tuesday, Nov. 30, 2004 || 12:30 PM >>>>
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