The Poison's Killer

I'm lazy nowadays. As far as the 'net goes, anyway.
I have lesser and lesser of a desire to have anything to do with it, really. Doing something stupid like joining Myspace killed it for me I think...
People are fake. All over the place. I'm tired of dealing with it. The further I push myself in a direction where my life actually has meaning, the more attitude I get. The more I see the shit that I was blind to before, such as people and their habits negatively affecting me.
This new chick I'm kinda sorta dating, she has this whole control thing. I can already tell that this won't go any further for the simple fact that she's one of those people that has to be placated 24/7 and I don't have time for that shit. She's already trying to get me to talk about shit like the band, how my day was and all that shit...
First off, my day doesn't start until I fucking LEAVE work. The place makes me physically ill, I can't stand being there, it's draining my youth. I don't wanna talk about something that makes me retch. So basically, I have nothing to talk about. Ever. Unless you wanna talk to me about music or philosophy or share anecdotes or something, I have nothing to say. Anytime I talk to someone about music who doesn't give as much of a shit as I do, they just stare blankly with that face that says "I hope he doesn't notice I'm not paying attention."
This is my time to be selfish. I haven't had the ability to do so since I was with Carlene for so long, and it was all her, all the time.
I'm not going to get involved in another relationship where I'm bending over all the time and having my needs ignored while I have to meet the other parties demands. Actually, fuck relationships in general. You can't be a musician and have a relationship...it doesn't work.
And I just totally realized that I'm emotionally worthless to anyone else. S'allright, though. I have no problem with that. I'm not here to appease anyone else. I'm here to do whatever the fuck I want...and right now that's make music. I could give a shit less about anything else.

This is where I've wanted to be for years now. Nothing can get in the way of this. NOTHING.

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