Mother spent the better half of an hour insulting me yesterday. And I begged her to stop, and she still didn't. It was like she was getting pleasure out of tearing me down.
So I guess I no longer have a mother, either. No friends, no family, no point. All I have is Lotus and nothing else, because everyone always goes away. And everyone will eventually go away, no doubt about that. Even those that think they wanna be around: they have no idea how wrong they are. I do. I can hear it in their voices. They're not stupid. They know what's gonna happen. Then can front like they have no clue all they want.
God damn, I'm fuckin' depressed. Haven't felt this bad ever. How come it always gets worse? I beat it down for a few months and then it comes back twice as strong.
Ya know, this is just fine with me. I know what I've gotta do. Go away for a while and become a selfish asshole so this kind of shit can't happen again.
"You're an arrogant fucking jerk."
Thanks mom. You're a mean-spirited fucking bitch. I know you're going through a tough time right now, but so am I. You don't need to take your bullshit out on me. Just like you always have. Just like you always will.
There can only be Cyanide from now on. My birth name is not to be used by anyone anymore. That person is dead and so shall he remain: I'm done with this bullshit.
I'm done with all of it.
I'm done with you, him, her, them, everything.
I'm done with people who call themselves "friends" and say that they "love you" but never call, and then when you call them they always say they'll call back. Funny, now that I think about it she's never called even once. Not even to "call me back."
I'm done with people who are only around when you're on top of the world, and then when everything turns to shit they just sit and watch you wade around in it. I'm done with people who are full of shit, who are shit, who talk nothing but shit and will be nothing but shit. I'm done with this life and every motherfucker in it.
I'm starting over. Different place, different mentality, different methods to my madness, different approach, different attitude, different standards.
I owe one person one thing, and that's it. Once that's taken care of, it's fuckin' on. Because I have nothing left and it's time to take what I need by force and force alone.
"Mercy is for the weak and I can see that you need it
I know and bet that you straight fold when you're under the pressure
And I hear you say a lot when I'm not physically present
I welcome drama
Fuck it, you can say what you wanna."
-SynthDel, "Death Before Dishonor"
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